When it comes to a long-distance relationship, most of us get frustrated and say it does not work. It happens when texts and calls are everything. Phones and computers become our life, and we may spend a lot of time feeling sorry for ourselves to some extent. However, it is true that nothing but distance can really test a relationship. Long distance strengthens a relationship. An explicit example of this is a couple of two beautiful lovebirds living halfway across the world from each other – Vanessa and Hoang Anh. After all the ups and downs of a long-distance relationship, they eventually created a happy ending called marriage!

To discover this beautiful love story, let’s talk with Vanessa!

Could you please tell us about yourself and your husband?

My name is Vanessa. I’m 30 and I am a French woman. My native language is French. I was born and raised in Paris, but since my mom used to work for the French Embassy, we moved around quite a bit. I got to live in Singapore and Vietnam (both Hanoi and Saigon) for a few years during the 90’s. Vietnam in the past is quite different from now, if not a lot! As of now, I have been living in Hanoi since 2011. I work as a copy editor for the French-speaking weekly magazine Le Courrier du Vietnam. I’m also a French teacher and a freelance translator.

My husband’s name is Hoang Anh, he’s Vietnamese and so is his native tongue. He did spend a few years in Canada so his English is really good, even better than mine. We speak what we amusingly call “Vietlish” together *smiles*. He’s a reporter for an English speaking daily newspaper.

Could you share your “How we met” story with us? 

I met and fell for my boyfriend (now husband) in 2009. He’s from Hanoi and I was living in France and the UK back then. I was finishing my degree in Paris Sorbonne and later teaching French in Manchester for the British Council. We were doing long distance by then. After my year in Manchester, I was planning on doing my Master Degree in French literature and linguistics in Paris. So that meant, another 2 years of long distance! Our future together seemed then quite blurry and full of uncertainties to say the least. So Hoang Anh (that’s his name) did spend quite some time doing research on the Internet to look for a University in Hanoi suited for my Master degree. And against all odds, he did succeed and found me just that. That’s the story of why I came to Hanoi in the first place. I was only planning on staying 2 years (lol). Certainly, I was lying to myself but that was the actual plan. Until life, love and other factors decided otherwise.

How long have you been together?

We fell for each other in 2009, so it has been 8 years. We got married in 2013 after 4 years of relationship (2 years of which were long distance and 2 others were cheesy dating and of living together)

What have been the most memorable moments in your relationship with him?

The very moment immortalized here was during the summer of 2009, on my last day of vacation in Hanoi. After spending over two months in the city I was about to leave back to Paris.

Back then we had a very close group of friends and we would go out, party and travel with the gang during the whole summer. So, on my last day, before heading to the airport, I was inconsolable and couldn’t stop crying. Hoàng Anh then, drove me around the city. He took me to a nice little corner of town, under the shade of a  hoa giấy tree. He then took a flower and put it in my hair and said: “One year is going to fly very quickly you’ll see. You should be happy with the idea of coming back! I’ll be here, I ain’t going anywhere. But please stop crying. I hate to see you sad”. Believe it or not but I knew then and there that I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy. I’ve had never been so sure about anything else in my life before. I did not know how or when it was going to happen, I simply knew it would. I would marry him and grow old with him.

And now, here we are 8 years later. Together in that same city where we fell in love. Against all odds. In spite of the distance, the obstacles, and the cultural differences. Here we are. And not just the two of us anymore because we got a baby!

Also, one of the funniest and romantic moments of our relationship was when he proposed to me. I really did not expect him to do it. It was a family outing, my family. Like. My entire family, from my mom side. You know. My grandparents, my uncles, my aunties, my cousins. Even my mom, who lives in France, and my brother, who lives in Saigon were there. Everybody was. We hired a van and went a little bit out of town to that amazing restaurant with a fountain and gorgeous garden with flowers and bamboos and stuff. After lunch, we all came out and sat in the garden to drink tea and eat cakes. It was really great. The weather was glorious, sunny and windy. My husband was very jumpy and seemed agitated. I asked him if he was feeling OK. He stood up and sat down a bunch of times before he finally told me: “I’m about to do something stupid”. I didn’t really understand until he, then, IN FRONT OF MY ENTIRE FAMILY, started to kneel down. I couldn’t believe in my eyes and started laughing with tears coming out. He then asked me in Vietnamese “Nu oi, lay anh nhe?” (Nu is my house name and Tit is his). I kneeled as well and said “Oui!”. Everybody was cheering, laughing but also crying. It was very emotional. I will never forget that moment and cherish it always. I always thought that if he’d propose, he’d go for a more cheesy approach. A romantic dinner just the two of us or something. Oh boy, I was in for a surprise. He later told me he was actually carrying the ring in his pocket for weeks, waiting for the perfect moment. He never really felt the right moment until that day. The setting was beautiful and I was surrounded by my loved ones. “I couldn’t think of a more perfect moment”, he later told me.

When you two were together, how did your and his family react to this cross-cultural relationship and then marriage?

I think any Vietnamese mothers always wish deep down that their sons marry a good Vietnamese girl. I don’t blame them. And although it has never been brought up directly, I had a sense that maybe things weren’t too awesome from his family’s side at first. Maybe some people thought it was just a fling with a ”Gai Tay”, that it’ll pass, that he’ll settle for a Vietnamese woman in the end anyway. And then, 1 year passes, 2 years pass, then 3 and more. With time I got to learn to know his family and him and vice versa. My mother in law is an amazing woman. She’s great with me and we’ve been getting along for years now. I call her ”me” (mom) with pleasure.
My family absolutely adores him, both from my mom’s side here but also from my dad’s side back in Paris and Marseille. We went to France last Christmas for him to meet my family. It was the first time for him but also for our daughter, who was 4 months old at the time! Of course in France, there’s the language barrier as nobody speaks English (welcome to France – no comment) but Hoang Anh is learning French so it was very nice.

Prior to meeting your husband, had you ever dated anyone from a different culture? What differences would you find between Asian (Vietnamese) and Western men as well as Asian and Western customs/cultures?

I have to specify that my mother is also Vietnamese, therefore I am not completely unfamiliar with the culture here, the traditions, even the language to some extension. But as a teenager, I remember always telling myself and swearing myself three things.

1) Never dating Vietnamese men.

2) Never getting involved in long distance relationships

3) Never getting married.

Prior to meeting Hoang Anh, I only dated Frenchmen. As I said, I never expected to be dating a Vietnamese man! Haha. So let’s just say I hit the Jackpot with Hoang Anh!

I guess the main difference is that Vietnamese men consider family as being a big part and a big priority in their life. I cannot speak for all Vietnamese men since I have only been with Hoang Anh, but he sure is, more thoughtful, caring and mature than most Western men I dated in the past.

Have you two ever had any cross-cultural miscommunications? 

Since my mom is Vietnamese, I can speak it quite fluently now actually, I have been taking writing and reading lessons since I moved here in 2011. Forcing myself to read a lot, anything on the Internet really. But still, Vietnamese isn’t my mother tongue and my husband just loves to make fun of me when I mispronounce stuff. He says I sound like a kid. One time, back when I just moved here, around early 2011, we were together on his bike, driving around town and I was feeling hungry. I saw a sign on a shop that says “Sua chua”. So I was like awesome! Let’s stop for yogurt, I’m craving for some. He didn’t say anything and let me go to the shop first. It didn’t look right. Like at all. It was dirty and smelly and there were tools and bikes in pieces everywhere. I didn’t think much of it since some shops and cafes can be hidden in tiny alleys sometimes. I asked one of the guy: “Em oi, sua chua o dau?” (where’s the yoghurt?) and he just stared at me, speechless. When I turned to Hoang Anh, he was laughing so hard he had to sit down on the pavement. When I read the sign again, it said “Sua chua xe may” (bike repairs!). Accentuation is everything in Vietnam, I learned it the hard way. Ok, Sữa chua is yogurt but Sửa chữa is repair!

As you two are from different countries, so we are curious about your wedding. Could you please tell us about it?

The plan was to have 2 weddings, ideally in Vietnam and in France. Turned out we ended only having it here. It’s a bit of a shame but we then decided to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary in France to make up for it.

Our wedding took place in Hanoi and it was super traditional. Oh gee did we have a ton of ceremonies! One of them is the An Hoi (Ăn hỏi) where basically the groom and his family come to the bride’s house to officially asks for her hand. It was beautiful, the “bê tráp” ceremony means carrying tons of goodies (offerings if you will), the setting and decor was super nice and I got to wear so many different dresses and áo dài! I was most stressed out about that crucial part where the bride has to serve the tea to the guests. Oh boy. I was shaking so much and all eyes were on me! I nailed that part though and the hubby discretely high fived me.

I have to say that I enjoyed all of the ceremonies, it was very traditional, sometimes even cheesy but we incorporated some French traditions into the Vietnamese ones : My dad walked me down the aisle, the bride and the groom gave a speech, the married couple did an opening waltz and we had a ring ceremonial, (and when asked THE question, he answered in French “Oui, je le veux” and I answered in Vietnamese “Vang, toi dong y”).

Talk about some of the responsibilities or changes you might not have been ready for before marriage and how you coped with them in marriage?

Actually, a lot of people have been asking me how married life is… Thing is, we already were living together for years before getting married so no surprises. I know it’s not something very common in Vietnam to do. It is kinda frowned upon, especially for girls. But Hoang Anh and I have always been on the same page when it comes to love, commitment, marriage, responsibilities, and life in general. I’m really glad I found someone like him.

How do you incorporate both of your cultures into your day-to-day life together?

Through food haha. Jokes aside, yeah one day we can be eating a typical thit kho (Vietnamese Caramelized Pork Belly) or thit luoc (Boilded pork), rau muong (Ipomoea aquatica Vegetables) with tons of com (Rice) and the next day we’ll be eating pasta blue cheese sauce with steak and French wine. Also through art, we both like French music and movies as well as some Vietnamese movies and music. We share our cultures with each other and now, to our daughter as well. It’s very enriching. And of course, through language, I’m still learning Vietnamese words and expression every day and so is he with French.

How did you incorporate both cultures into upbringing?

We have a little baby girl, she’s almost 14 months and she’s the absolute best (in all objectivity). I speak to her in French and his dad speaks to her in Vietnamese. Her first word was “mom” in Vietnamese! Her (limited) vocabulary is mostly Vietnamese because of her environment but she understands both and “communicates” in both languages. All of the songs and stories I sing or read to her are in French though. When she’ll be of age, she’ll certainly go to the French school here.

Do you have any future plans or dreams with him that you would like to share with us?

We often speak about when we’ll grow old, where we would live. We both joke about how we’ll buy a house in Hoi An by the beach and open a cafe and French bakery. Or maybe buying a villa in South of France. Dream on! But who knows.

I highly appreciate the time that Vanessa spent with me sharing her true love story. My team – Maze Vietnam and I would like to take a moment to thank her very much!

How about our readers? Are you ready to give it a try? Are you ready to head all the way from up to the North through the Central then down to the South to find a Vietnamese partner?

To have your story published on our website, please pm Facebook us or email to mazevietnam.info@gmail.com

Read more Love stories here

The post From A Long-Distance Relationship to A Happy Marriage | From France to Vietnam appeared first on Maze Vietnam.

God knows how I love Hanoi, hence the move from my beloved city of Manila to here. But for once in my life, I was more than willing to give up my love for Hanoi, its vibe, its lakes, its richness in culture and the company of my friends to be with “cung.” How did it all happen? Are you sure you wanna know? It’s going to be a long anecdote but if you have time to spare, I’m opening my heart to share these few memories with you.

Let’s start from the beginning. The first time I fell in love with Hanoi was during the summer of 2014. That time, I visited Hanoi with my then girlfriend (Filipina) of almost 6 years. After a week of exploring the Vietnamese capital, I immediately thought that one day, I’ll come back to stay longer. I really liked this idea, but she didn’t. She didn’t like Hanoi for any reason. Come 2015, I am ready to try my luck in Hanoi, to live in another city on my own for the first time. Few months before the big move though, I had one of the biggest turning points in my life –she left me. Fast forward to a few months later, I found myself in Hanoi with a new life. I finally accepted the fact that we were not meant to be together and I opened myself up to the idea of dating local girls.

So this is how it begins. Compared to Philippines capital, Manila, Hanoi is very traditional. Most of the girls here, if not all are controlled by their family, traditions, and society’s expectations. It was really hard to find a lesbian girl to date. Why? Because it is so hard to know, “gaydar” doesn’t work for Vietnamese “les.” Most people even confuse lesbian as just “butch” or else, you’re a “bis” or bisexual –at least in the North because HCMC’s lesbian scene is another story. The “manual search” for someone to date is a little difficult for me so I went to the “digital” route. Using dating apps like Tinder, Badoo, LesPark, HER, and whatever app I can download just so I can digitally meet and get to know some Vietnamese girls. Sure, there are a lot of girls in Vietnam who has active “online life” but it is not easy to search with filters such as: must be lesbian, must speak English, should live in Hanoi and so on. It was really difficult but I luckily managed to find some people to talk to, I’ve met some, kept in touch with some and some of them even if we didn’t date, they became my friends. One even became my roommate!
Now here goes the part you might be waiting for—my dating experience(s). Let me enumerate them because each person was a unique experience.

The Master
The 1st Viet girl I really liked was “ba chu.” I call her master, she calls me “slave”. We met January of 2016 when I welcomed a new life for myself. Although there was a language barrier, in the beginning, we were able to communicate, special thanks to Google Translate.

We met through a lesbian app, we chat all the time we can and one day out of my curiosity and eagerness to meet her, I came to her workplace unannounced. As I come there, all she was able to say in the first few minutes were my name and “(I am) shy.” We didn’t really talk much, because we couldn’t.

She was extremely shy, she cannot say a word and I just really came to see her. I don’t want to bother her so I just asked for another time to meet and I was so happy we sealed a date. Among all girls I’ve met, ba chu gives me this “butterflies in my stomach” feeling every time I am with her. When we had a date on Valentine’s Day, I thought to myself that this day couldn’t pass without me telling her how much I like her. After we went for dinner and drove around our favorite place –the West Lake, I finally got a chance to tell her that I like her. I didn’t have any response from her, and I also didn’t expect her to. But I guess I did something stupid –I told her, “I love you.” She told me jokingly, “I don’t understand everything you say.” So I asked Google Translate for help, but she would cover her ears not to hear anything. Still, I insisted and hugged her, and she didn’t mind. She held my hand and hugged me back. I told myself, this response means more than any words. I like it more than any overused phrases. Then the next day I woke up to her text message, it reads, “Magandang Umaga” which means “Good Morning” in Filipino. To which I readily responded, “Maganda ka pa sa umaga” meaning, “you’re more beautiful than the morning.” Then she immediately told me, “About last night… you told me you like me. I like you too.” A few seconds later, “but I cannot love” she added. I just told her not to worry because I’m not in a hurry to put any labels on what we have, that I just want us to enjoy each other’s company and to know each other more. True enough, we had quality time together.

We hang out a lot, have lunch together, dinner together, milk tea together, satisfy cravings together. I was literally just one call away for her. While I am too lazy to make lunch for myself, I would be so eager to bring her food when she’s hungry just so I can see her, make her smile. I love to make her happy and I never grew tired doing that. But suddenly, she has this habit to just disappear. She will shut down social media and not respond to any messages, not just for days but sometimes, for months. And until now, she would just send me a message when she wants to. Suddenly, I wasn’t as eager as I was before. Probably because I know sooner or later she’ll disappear yet again and every time she does that, I kind of have a little heartbreak. To be honest, I still do.

The Artist
Sometime when ba chu left me (for the Nth time), I threw myself away to try my luck and meet other girls. So my “les” apps were active again and I was able to meet this girl. She is an artist, creative and very talented. She draws well, sings well, and can play instruments. Most of all, she can speak decent English (sigh of relief). I thought if I date this girl, we can understand each other better. True enough, we did, but it was short-lived. She lives in Vinh Phuc and I live in Hanoi but I didn’t care about the distance. One night, I just decided to drive my motorbike to her place, alone. I only relied on Waze and I was happy that this crazy idea crossed my mind. As I arrived at her house, I was welcomed with a dinner with her family. At that time, I was hopeful, maybe we have a chance. Not so long after, she became my girlfriend. Some kilometers apart weren’t really an issue because she would visit me and I would drive to her once in a while. We helped each other through some tough times but it ended prematurely when her mom found out our relationship. That sudden turn of events came after we met each other’s friends and she almost introduced me to her community. Then the next day she ignored me. Told me it wasn’t my fault but hers, that her mom saw a photo of us kissing, she was scolded and told her to forget about me and just focus on her studies. Being a college student who still relies on her parents, she did as she was told. Despite this sudden breakup, we remained friends though.

After my experience with ba chu and the artist, I told myself not to fall in love easily and just mingle with girls, flirt a little just to spare myself from sadness, loneliness and boredom. So did I. I had dates almost every night possible. I met some interesting girls, but most of them are good until they open they speak with me in person. Communication was really a problem. I often have dates where I can count the words we say verbally, because most of the time we “type” just so we can understand each other. Some girls can speak good English because they have been on Tinder long enough (and probably met a number of foreign men already), but most of them were just “bi-curious” and not really lesbians. They just fancy the idea of being pampered by another girl, being with another girl, hold hands in public and whatsoever. I was really frustrated that I asked my Vietnamese roommate to find me a decent girl for me to date. She accepted to play cupid for me. She posted something on a Vietnamese Lesbian forum and screened the girls who would respond to her post before she would let them talk to me. She helped me save some time trying to figure out these girls on my own. She would know who doesn’t speak English, who are just curious, who are really interested to meet me. So she would only forward to me numbers or profiles of girls who would fit criteria we set and that is how I met “cung.”

“Cung”
It was just another day, another profile from my roommate for me to check. Cung messaged me on Facebook and we got to know each other. She told me she’s a bisexual and she has a son – that’s 2 red flags in a row. I learned my lesson dating bisexuals, plus she has a kid. I thought that it will be a lot difficult to date this girl than the other girls I’ve met. Not to mention she lives in the South, that’s 3rd red flag. But because she seems so interested with me and she can talk to me in English, we got along well. I told her my experiences in love and she told me about hers. She knew how ba chu drove me crazy and how broken I was when I lost 6 years of my life with a wrong person. I’ve never let my guard down like that unless with a friend. So I thought we would just be friends. We were for some time but I don’t know what happened that we suddenly became more than that. We started caring so much for each other and exchanging “I love you.” I meant it, but I am not sure if she did.

The next thing I know, it was my birthday and a bouquet of flowers with a birthday cake arrived at my door. It was from her. I was ecstatic as nobody did that for me ever yet. It made me fall for her more. Then came 2017, her birthday is a few days away from Tet holiday. I decided to take a shot of destiny and planned a trip to see her. She never really told me where she lives, I believed that she’s in Can Tho but she actually lives in Kien Giang. I was surprised when she gave me her postal address when I told her I want to send her a gift for her birthday. She didn’t have any idea that the gift I was sending her was myself. Here comes a few days before Tet holiday and I flew to the South.

When I was in HCMC, a friend of mine tried to help me figure out how to go to cung’s place. It was as difficult as I only knew her postal address and the name of her former school where she plays volleyball every afternoon. So the plan was, go to the nearest place to the post office and then try to find this school to see her while she plays volleyball. I was ready to gamble my safety and my emotions. With that plan laid out, I had to take the 7 am bus from HCMC to arrive in Kien Giang in the afternoon so I will have time to find her before sundown. I was so stupid though, I missed it. The next option is a 2pm bus. I still took it without hesitation. Taking 2 pm bus means I would arrive in Kien Giang between 9 to 10 pm that made the search for her, a task close to impossible. I still didn’t lose hope. I only have this in mind: I came this far for her, I will find her.

While lying anxious on the bus, rain poured heavily and I had to make SOS to my friends, to help me find a place to stay when I arrive in Kien Giang as I don’t have any idea about the place. My plan B was to spend that night in a hotel near the bus station where I can take another ride going to her town which takes more than an hour. I’m unlucky enough that friends couldn’t find a place for me to stay and they told me to tell her that I was on my way to KG. That was my last option. I took it with a heavy heart because I know she doesn’t like surprises. Left with no choice, I revealed to her that I was on my way to KG and I will need her help to find me a place to stay. At first, she was mad at me. She didn’t respond to my messages, didn’t pick up my calls, ignored me for about 2 hours and I was about to give up and call this mission a failure. Then I finally got a message from her, it was an address of a hotel. She told me she already arranged a room for me and they are already waiting for me to arrive. I was relieved big time! She admitted that what I did anger her because I’ve put myself in danger, but at the same time, made her love me even more. I stayed in this hotel, and I finally met cung for the first time the next day. I couldn’t contain my happiness! She’s finally in my arms. I can finally kiss her. Look at her smile. For the first time in a long while, I was happy and I am sharing this happiness with someone. We spent quality time together for a day and a night until she had to go home and I went back to HCMC. A few days later, I was spending Tet holiday with her and her son. We spent almost a week together in HCMC and Can Tho combined. Suddenly, after the holiday, I must come back to Hanoi and do my things.
One day, I thought, we were dating for quite some time but I still barely know cung because she will not open up to me often. I didn’t know the story behind her son. I didn’t know why she told me she lives in Can Tho and not in Kien Giang. I wanted to know this person a little bit more but she always refused to tell me about her past. The only thing she told me is that she only fell in love with a girl once –with her best friend. Knowing this, I was really furious when I found out that she spent Valentine’s Day with her best friend while I spent it alone in my room waiting for her messages or call whole day and night. She was also mad at me for being mad at her and she thought I will never understand her. Hmm… how can I understand something that I didn’t have any knowledge of? But because I really love her, I just moved on and planned another trip to see her on the next holiday. Fast forward to that, we spent a week together in Can Tho 2 months later. I was able to meet some of her friends and her sister. We had an amazing time and for once I thought we were moving forward when we talked about moving together in Can Tho.
We made plans and the first thing I did when I get back to Hanoi was to find a job in Can Tho. I did, and a few weeks later, I was all set to move. The only missing puzzle piece was her. So I told her that I was ready that my only worry at that moment was her. As for myself, I was ready to leave my second home to start from scratch again. I didn’t know anyone in CT and the only reason I had to move there was her. You can call me crazy all you want but sometimes we become a fool when we fall in love. When I told her about my worries, I was thinking she would assure me that we won’t have any problem and if we encounter any, we face it together, but I was wrong. Her response was, “don’t move to Can Tho anymore” and told me that everything she told me was a lie. That she didn’t really intend to live with me and she only said that just to make me happy, and worse, she has no intentions of coming out so there is no future for both of us. I honestly didn’t know how to react to that. I had everything ready but in a blink of an eye, I lost it again. She set me free, insisting that I should be happy with someone else. She even thinks that her coming to my life was a terrible mistake that should’ve not happened in the first place. I was sad and mad at the same time. Mad at her and mad at myself for being so stupid.

What did I learn after all?
With all these things that happened in my first 2 years living in Vietnam, I learned that (this is just my opinion based on my experience; you can correct me if I’m wrong):

1. Not all Viet girls who call themselves lesbians are real lesbians, half of them are bisexuals.

2. Not all girls who identify themselves as bisexual are really bisexual, most of them are straight girls who has this intense curiosity or desire of being with another girl (for a while, they still want to end up with a guy).

3. Not all girls who dress like a tomboy are lesbians. Most of them just find it cool to dress like that.

4. VIETNAMESE GIRLS LOVE ATTENTION. I couldn’t emphasize it enough! Attention from boys will flatter them while attention from another girl will make them feel special. They will body shame themselves to fish for compliments and upload beautiful photos of them captioning it “ugly” just for you to tell them they are beautiful.

5. Not all lesbians are looking for long-term relationships. Some of them still believe that they still need to marry a man someday, because this is what Vietnamese culture dictates them.

6. Not all girls who will tell you they like you really mean it. Sometimes, they just like what I said in no. 4, attention. The attention you give them and the attention they get when they display your hands linked together in public.

7. Not all girls will say what they mean and will mean what they say. Sometimes they will tell you things just to please you or not tell you things so you won’t be unpleased.

8. Not every Vietnamese girl who looks conservative is really conservative. Some of them, when they get to know you, they will be so much more aggressive than you think they could be.

7. Not everything in this list might be true or enough to say that dating a Vietnamese les is tough but it’s a challenge that could be 10X more difficult than a “normal” male-female Viet – Tay dating.

8. Not all bad experiences can cut hopes that someday the right person will come. These “wrong” persons came along to help you prepare emotionally for that day you meet “ the one.” Just like how you have to dig inches of mud just to reach the gold.

*Cung = cưng = honey/dear
*Ba chu = bà chủ = master
*All names have not been included to protect identities.

To have your story published on our website, please pm Facebook us or email to: mazevietnam.info@gmail.com

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The post The “Roller Coaster” Love Ride of a Lesbian Expat in Vietnam appeared first on Maze Vietnam.

Cross-cultural relationships have been on the common trail in a burgeoning country of global integration like Vietnam. The cross-cultural relationships inconceivably bring a ton of new but beautiful and eye-opening experiences. We just cannot get the full idea of it if we are never in that international love boat.

We often catch sight of intercultural couples with Vietnamese girls hand in hand with Western guys whenever we are in the bar sipping some beers up to the brim or in the middle of all avenues in Hanoi Old Quarter or Downtown Saigon. However, rarely could we find a couple of Trai Viet, Gai Tay, which literally means a Viet man and foreign woman couple. Whether you are a Vietnamese or an expat, I’m pretty sure you might wonder what it’s like to be with a Viet man or the other way round, a Tay girl. You definitely have your own taste when it comes to dating. But you tap onto this article, you are at least keen on the idea of doing so.

So what it’s like to date a Vietnamese man? What are the great things and challenges that a Trai Viet, Gai Tay couple may have? Let’s discover all through a quick but awesome interview I had with Jade T., a beautiful and friendly 25-year-old Australian teacher who has been living in Hanoi for 4 years. She and her boyfriend, a Hanoian man, have been in a relationship for over 2 years!

Now, let’s talk with her!

Could you share your “How we met” story with us? 

We met on the 13th of June, 2015, when a crazy super storm hit Hanoi. He picked me up in the taxi a minute before the heavy rain and wind hit, and during the whole taxi ride and date night we talked and talked and barely noticed the storm. We walked around later amongst the fallen trees and felt totally at ease with each other, the ‘vibe’ was so great.

What was your first impression of him?

Friendly, earnest, polite and with a beautiful smile that made him so much more handsome. I can still clearly remember the way he smiled at me when I walked out of my alley to meet him at the taxi. Instant attraction and all my nervousness disappeared.

When you two were together, how did your and his families react to this cross-cultural relationship?

Very early in the relationship, his parents made it clear that if he chose to marry a “Tay” they would support him. They showed me nothing but kindness, and continue to do so today. My parents love him and would never have an issue with me dating cross-culturally.

What differences would you find between Asian (Vietnamese) and Western men as well as Asian and Western customs/cultures?

We have differing views on some topics, and I feel he’s far more traditional than me. I am a lot more liberal and open to new ideas regarding family structure and career. He was also a lot faster in saying “I love you” than expected, though I’m not sure if that’s cultural or personal. He is a lot more shy in public than I am, and it took a long time before he was comfortable with physical affection in public. In my culture, it’s very normal to kiss in public, especially when you say goodbye to your partner. Here, not so much, and depending on the situation (how many people are looking) I might just squeeze his hand to say goodbye to prevent him from feeling uncomfortable.

Is there any language barrier between you and your partner sometime? 

He’s lived abroad for eight years, his English is better than mine most of the time, so not really. Like any of us, he makes mistakes and asks me to correct them when they arise. It’s great to have a partner who can be your translator too, especially in Vietnam where there are many communication boundaries for foreigners.

Have you and your partner ever encountered misunderstandings in cross-cultural communication? What was it like? 

Not really, but sometimes he can be too ‘straight to the point’ about sensitive topics and I need to remind him to speak more gently. We argued in the beginning when he wanted to playfully ‘tease’ me and I wasn’t in the mood to joke, for example. I sense that teasing is a cute and flirtatious thing to do here, but I don’t enjoy it much at all.

Before having a Vietnamese boyfriend, did you have any predictable depictions of cross-cultural romance? If yes, how do they relate to the reality?

I’d never really considered it before, but I must say I was pleasantly surprised every step of the way. Our relationship gets easier as time goes by, I feel, and I secretly love it when taxi drivers or acquaintances say “REALLY?! You have a Vietnamese boyfriend?!” I guess most people aren’t used to seeing couples like that here. We draw a lot of attention when we hold hands together in public sometimes.

What has been the most memorable moment in your relationship with him?

Probably the day we met, and when we surprised my family in Australia on Christmas Eve and he was able to meet my entire extended family. I felt he really fit in and was so fantastic at getting to know everyone, even though he tends to be shy. Everyone really enjoyed meeting him and they always ask me what he’s up to now.

Do you have any future plans or dreams with him that you would like to share with us?

I’m definitely comfortable with the idea of spending my life with him, so long as we keep supporting each other and helping each other grow. Babies are a topic of interest, particularly with his parents who would absolutely love another grandchild.

Is there anything else you would like others to know that we have not included here?

I think if there was anyone who was unsure about dating outside their own nationality, I would strongly suggest giving it a try. You’ll learn so much, learn more about the world and about humanity in general, we’re all so different but we all need love. Why not open yourself up to that?

I highly appreciate the time that Jade spent with me sharing about her true love story. My team – Maze Vietnam and I would like to take a moment to thank her very much!

How about our readers? Are you ready to give it a try? Are you ready to head all the way from up to the North through the Central then down to the South to find a Vietnamese partner?

To learn more about Jade and her days in Vietnam, you can visit her blog here

To have your story published on our website, please pm Facebook us or email to: mazevietnam.info@gmail.com

The post So You Wanna Date a Vietnamese Man? Read This First! appeared first on Maze Vietnam.